Monday, November 30, 2009

Daily regimen of teeth whitening and tanning

Dang that's quite the contrast.
Thanks to the inthemix.com.au forum for leading me to this one.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

More pics from the classic Guido prom set


Great photoshop:
These classic pics that have circulated the internet haven't made their way to this site until today. Not only are their tans horrible, but that one guido's hair is almost as ridiculous. I want to give him a haircut with a tomahawk.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Another great submission: Hungarian ghoul

Thanks to Eszter for this pic and for pointing me to the very interesting and NOT SAFE FOR WORK site napiszar.com.

Eszter writes:
"A beautiful picture of a beautiful Hungarian woman and her terrible skin colour.

She shared it on a social network site, which is quite popular among the party fans,emos and diffefernt ethnics. So, a kind of goldmine of pictures like this, I hope you wanna like and post it!:)"

Friday, November 27, 2009

Can't get enough of Horse Lizard Beast

Oh Horse Lizard Beast, please get it together. I used to have a HLB pic where you could see a super uneven bronzer job on her side, but I can't find it in my archives!  ;-(
Thanks to surrealchicago.com for the pic.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Ghoulish submission from Las Vegas

Emily C. writes: "It took some maneuvering to get this shot, and we're still having nightmares about it..."

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

"Douchebaguette Supreme"

This pic was on Break.com. Funny enough, Break just put up the now-famous picture of the Chicago monster and cut out the Surreal Chicago watermark from the bottom of the photo, which is really lame. Maybe it's not their fault though; maybe some random person edited out the watermark and then submitted the picture. You can't stop that on the internet.  I try to give credit where credit is due, but it's entirely possible that someone will submit a pic to me with the website watermark cut out and I won't know it.

Great reader submission: Copperhead

 
According to makeup.lovetoknow.com:
"Egyptians worked with pure minerals for pigment and color. They mixed, pressed and broke down precious copper based minerals, such as malachite, along with carbon and manganese oxides to create colored powders used for face powders or eye colors."
I think I once read that chronic use of this mixture ended up causing mental problems for the people that used it...but maybe you already have to have mental problems to use it? Which comes first?

Boy band B4-4 members are orange and aberrant looking


I first saw this video on buzzfeed.com a few months ago. A couple people have emailed me to put it on the site (thanks Mike O & Mike K), so here it is.

Mike K describes the video well:
"hey man, i love the site. nothing funnier than orange people.
Below i linked a youtube video you should post. Its some Canadian boy band back in the late90s/early00s that are quite orange-ified. Whats also funny is the lyrics to the song is about giving and getting oral sex while the music video plot is inappropriately about a young black boy who watches these orange men through a magical viewfinder where all his dreams come true. check it out!"


Other things I like about this video:
1. How the bum hits up the little kid for money at the beginning.
2. How the boy band, with their scary sculpted eyebrows, swarms around the camera all insane-like
3. How when the kid busts out his pathetic front double bicep pose that the girls turn into raging pedos and run after him.

Sadly I knew about B4-4 years ago because they actually had a pretty good song, that is, if you're into wussy love songs that won't help you get girls: Endlessly.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

LoLz someone photoshopped the Chicago Monster!


This is awesome. Years ago, like a loser, I used to live vicariously through other people that actually left their apartments by browsing through photos of Chicago club websites. On surrealchicago.com I found the different Chicago Monster pictures and saved them to my hard drive. Years later I dug them out of my data backups to present this cryptozoologist's dream: The Chicago Monster!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pretty Boys 2 - lots of über fake tans here


LMAO at the Hans Christian Andersen part. Great music selection too. Mange tak VenomDK3000! Also thanks to the inthemix.com.au forum for leading me to this gem.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

From Denmark, "Pretty Boys" part 1


Awesome work from VenomDK3000 in putting this together. This guy is a genius. Tons of super-fake-bronzer people in this video, along with some regular d-bags. I'm of 1/8th Danish heritage and love it when Denmark gets in the mix of things.

I want to credit the forum on inthemix.com.au for helping me find this awesome video.

Part 2 should be up tomorrow!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

Back by popular demand: The Sweedos

Back by popular demand: The Sweedos.  The guy in the middle in the second pic doesn't look as tan in this one...maybe it's the bright lighting?
You heard it hear first, Sweedos will find the cure for cancer AND solve world hunger.

Real...ly bad tans

Turn those hats forward fellas.






Two of these pics from TheSmokingGun.com

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Internet-Famous Guido and his spray tan

This guy's pic has been all over the internet, but I realized he's never made it here yet...and he soooo deserves it.

Designer Valentino should design abrasive wash cloths to wipe the orange off his face

Pic from primped.com.au.

"I'd like to buy a bulk package of Mystic Tans and use them all today, please."

Pic from aloladay.com.

How to contact me, as well as thank you for the mentions and the visits

So last week I'm happy to say that a few big sites out there mentioned my blog, which in turn has greatly increased traffic. Thanks go to stumbleupon.com, boingboing.net people on reddit, twitter, facebook, etc, and every other person and site that has mentioned the paleIsTheNewTan pallor movement.

Since I hadn't posted my email address on this site, people have posted some comments as a means of contacting me. No disrespect if I didn't publish these comments, I do appreciate the info.

You can reach me at EO@ you know where, paleIsTheNewTan.com

Once again, thanks to all the newcomers for the recent attention!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Horse Lizard Beast fell face first on a red clay tennis court

Horse Lizard Beast (HLB) on our right is a sweet girl, but unfortunately at this time in her life she chose to make her face all blotchy with spray tan.
"Can't get enough of Horse Lizard Beast." --To be sung to the tune of the Golden Crisp Cereal jingle

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Euro Kids are only at half power!

The Euro Kids are back, but this time only one of them has diarrhea smeared on his face. I'm curious about the timeline of these pics...Was this picture taken before the others, and the unbronzed Euro Kid had yet to be convinced that painting his face was a good idea? Or was this picture taken after the others when the unbronzed Euro Kid realized that he and his friend looked like complete dumbasses? I hope the latter.
Pic from partyphoto.hu

How now, brown cow?

Dr. Drew needs to do a "Tanning Rehab" show for tanorexics like this.

Monday, November 16, 2009

One of the things wrong with bodybuilding....the fake tans

I really like bodybuilding as a means of self improvement. It helps you stay in shape, look good, relieve stress, etc. There are also a lot of things I don't like about it....the steroid use, the heavy dieting and dehydration for competitions....and of course, I don't like the ridiculous fake tans competitors put on for shows so their muscle definition isn't washed out by the bright stage lights. The results are disturbing.
"I don't see a white boy! I see a damn fool!" -from Seinfeld. This guy looks like he's going for racially insensitive blackface.

I totally love the Super Mario Bros. movie comparison. I think that film was John Leguizamo's best work. Pic from totallyLooksLike.com

Copper boy, I highly recommend LASIK.

It looks like he has a zit between his eyebrows that he picked at and the self-tanner just made it look darker.

Female bodybuilding is out, figure competitions and fitness competitions are in.

Donald Trump is a douche, no surprise there

To quote Pusha-T of the Clipse, Donald Trump looks "like it was dipped in foundation makeup." Of course Pusha-T was referring to the color of his rolex, not Donald Trump. Questionable hair and skin from The Donald.

Guidos are so two thousand and late. Sweedos are in for 2010

Description from a Sherdog forum thread:
"SWEEDOS - a name combined from the location where these tools live (Sweden) and of their mancrushes from New Jersey, the Guidos. Saturating Stockholm clubs with hair gel, hair spray, and anal lube, Sweedos are typically younger than the Guidos. Born from rich parents who never forced them to do any remotely difficult job in life, Sweedos never properly developed testicles and are often gender-confused. Unlike the Guidos, Sweedos do not display dissonance between their looks and their actions. Whereas Guidos try to look metrosexual while simultaneously trying to look tough (often producing very hilarious results), Sweedos both look and act metrosexual, which is often misperceived by some as being straight. Sweedos are also world-renowned for their uncanny ability to remind many men of a girl who they used to have a crush on."

Personally I just view Sweedos as Guidos with blonde hair--they don't have to actually be from Sweden. Hey, you'll know one when you see one.