Monday, September 20, 2010

Brown Blowfish, and Pale Is the OLD Tan

Thanks to EpicFail.com for the pic of the brown blowfish.
Which brings me to a CNN article I saw today: Study: Spray tans, tanning bed use often go hand-in-hand. Don't get me wrong, if you just HAD to go tanning for some strange reason (like maybe a modeling gig or an acting gig requires it), then spray tanning is definitely the way to go over real tanning. Spray tanning is not nearly as bad for you as real tanning. Barring these special circumstances, why spend the time, money, and effort to tan at all? Just go au naturel. Because after all, Pale Is The Old tan, and Pale Is The New Tan.
The shirt, which I have nothing to do with, is available at http://skreened.com/silverswan/pale-is-the-old-tan

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A few good reasons not to go to the beach

But if you do go to the beach or the pool, make sure to put on your sunblock. Go to Google and type in melanoma, and then go to the images section. What you will see will scare the crap out of you. Malignant melanoma is EXTREMELY deadly. On a brighter note, check out the claws on that old woman. They look like velociraptor talons.

Speaking of melanoma, check out the new skin cancer awareness site Gym, Tan, Melanoma. The site sells dope t-shirts.

Thanks to HaHastop.com & theDirty.com for one pic each. Thanks to http://paoladegrenet.com/portfolio for the artistic second to last pic with the blue swimsuit guy. If you know who made the comic, please comment with the source. Thnx. Laterz.

Have you ever herped so much that you derped?

Orange. DERP.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A roll of the dice came up "Ace Deuche"

So ridiculous. I love the religious hypocrisy of the cross necklace. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins you know. Do you think Jesus would have been so vain to dress up like Liberace, spray tan, and groom all of his facial hair like that? Of course not.
This photo should make you doubt that there is a god.
Thanks to hotChicksWithDoucheBags.com for the pic.

Sebaceous glands overcompensating for the sun's drying effects

When someone first goes tanning, it dries out their skin a little bit. However after some more tanning their bodies adapt and start producing more oils than before. Combine that with the bronzing lotions you can end up with a very shiny person.
Thanks to lamebook.com for the pics.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Battlefield Earth Barbie makes her terrifying return!

Remember her from http://www.paleisthenewtan.com/2010/05/battlefield-earth-barbie.html? Her razor thin eyebrows enhance her icy gaze, turning you to stone.

Don't worry, this is a dude.

I've had these pics for a few weeks but it just occurred to me now to put them on the site. His tan is probably more natural than anything, but his face and body don't match and he looks like such a weirdo that I had to post these photos. In case you were wondering, his arms and pectorals show signs of Synthol use. Here is a Wikipedia article with more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Site_enhancement_oil
LoLz I sent these photos to one of my best friends and she couldn't fall back asleep after witnessing this nightmare!
Anybody know where this dude is from? I've heard Brazil or India.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Chemically enhanced tans

The first guy looks like he's in black face. The second guy looks extremely unnatural with his bleached hair and bizarre dark brown tan. The last guy's arm is incredibly shiny, like it's made out of plastic. With that said though, chemicals and UV radiation on the outside of their bodies is probably not as unhealthy for them compared to the androgenic anabolic steroids coursing through the insides of their bodies.
Once again thanks to theDirty.com for some of the pics.

This will give you nightmares

Fake tan, plus long hair with receding hairline, plus kissy face/rape face, plus douchey belt exposing underwear, plus lame-o bracelets, plus pink v-neck t-shirt....NO BUENO.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Wear protective glasses when applying that much spray tan

Outrageous reddish/brown tan, earrings, multiple chains, large garish belt buckle, carefully spiked hair....that's a d-bag.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

More weird bodybuilding tan fails

Besides the rampant steroid use, tanning is one of the things I dislike about one of my favorite hobbies: bodybuilding. The third and fourth pics aren't actually that bad since they are right before a competition. They just show how bizarre the whole bodybuilding fake tan is out of context. The face of the guy in the 5th pic doesn't look too awful, but the glasses really makes things look weird. Obviously the guy is vain since he's competing in a bodybuilding contest, so get LASIK or get some contacts brOdysseus.
Thanks to theDirty.com and failblog.org for some of the pics.

Reader submision: Zorro mask tan line

Reader Chris says: "Here a picture of me when I fell asleep in the sun in Cuba with my sunglasses and a bandana."
Chris's photo made me realize that Batman and Robin have to fight crime at night and not during the day because the tan lines from their masks would totally give away their secret identities.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Reader submission: Multiple unnatural colors of fake tan

The reader says: "Some 'annoying oranges' from Norway."
The first girl is an unnatural spray-tan brown and the second girl is an always unnatural orange. Apparently there is something about their fake tans that attacks their facial nerves and triggers random scrunched-up fish faces.

Reader submission: Otherworldly woman

This is another woman who looks like she came from an old Star Trek episode in the first pic. Can she rinse the Martian dust off of her body?